Tears: The Mind's Natural Cleanser

          Crying has always been taboo, and for many reasons. By 'taboo' I mean we as a society have been taught that tears show weakness and it's not acceptable to do in front of others. There are many things that can make a person cry including pain, grief, emotional hurt, anger, etc. Most people wait until they are alone to let them flow and hate letting other people see them cry, I am one of those people. I m also one of those people who cry for many different reasons.

          I think it started when I was younger. When I was at school if a teacher yelled at me for doing something wrong I'd tear-up, then of course try to hold it back so my peers wouldn't see. I'd cry when I got really mad at my brother to the point of just wanting to fight him, and I'd always cry every time my mother told me I wasn't allowed to go to something. Maybe a birthday party, sleepover, anything that involved leaving the house I wasn't allowed to do. So I'm not sure why it came as a surprise to me every time she said no. I guess it just left me mad.

          Now days I cry less, but usually because of some bigger reason than my childhood tears fell for. I've cried when I've lost loved ones, or had someone close to me lose someone they love. I've cried when I've been hurt, or when I accidentally hurt someone else. I've cried when I have been frustrated to the point of blind confusion. I even find myself crying when someone close to me is crying. That last one can actually get annoying at times.

             But here is the thing about tears; it is a great things when you let them fall. It is similar to throwing up when you're sick to your stomach. It sucks to have to do it but you feel so much better afterwards. It is a gross analogy to have to make but that's the only way I know how to relate it. It is a chemical reaction and a completely natural part of human life. Crying allows for you and your body to release the stressors that have been affecting you so that you don't react to them in a more impactful or dangerous way.

            I like to be alone to cry. To just lie down on my bed and ball because no one is watching me or can hear me do it and I can be as sad as I want. This is good for me though because I'm sure I'm a rather ugly baller. I have one of those patterned balls where I sob out three times and breath in twice. Yea, sad that I know that but that's me.

           I guess the inspiration for this blog comes from the puffiness of my eyes left over from my small cry last night. My feelings got hurt and as soon as I was out of sight from the person doing the hurting I started my silent cry. It always starts small, but you can feel that you could cry hard and fora good long while. That is how it was last night. And with the tears comes the questions that you ask yourself. What's the worth? Why do you tolerate it? What are you getting out of it? The usual. And I realized that it wasn't a big deal, the thing that had happened and what had been said, but while I sat on the back steps crying and trying to explain my tears to my roommates, I just had to confess that it had just hurt me more than anything. Which is the truth.

           I think the saddest part of having a tear fest, is that sometimes you don't get the answer you need from it. Once the tears stop and you nose clears up and allows for you to breath again, things will still be the same. You will still have to face the same situations and make decisions just like you needed to right before you cried. But now it is usually with a clearer head. As for my hurt, I am still having to face it. I'm not sure what my decision will be, in order to stop being hurt and to stop the crying. But I know I'll have to make them.